So you’re asking yourself about the new guy you just met: should I text him first? Or should I let him come to me?
According to a new survey by a well-known dating app, one out of three successful heterosexual relationships were started by the woman messaging first.
But that data doesn’t clarify the answer. It’s not always best for you to message first. So who should make the first move?
If you’ve ever wondered, “should I text him first? Should I wait?” then you’re far from alone. I’m willing to bet every woman who has ever dated has asked herself those same questions. And in this video and article, I’m going to answer them. Stay tuned.
P.S. If you need a little help in the texting department, check out my Love Texting Report. It’s got texts that you can copy and paste and start using today!
Should I Text Him First? 4 Scenarios
Dating these days is totally different from what it was when you were in your 20s. Back then, you’d give a guy your number — your landline number — and wait impatiently for him to call. You might even pick up the receiver (cord or no cord?) to see if there was a dial tone…just in case your phone was broken and he couldn’t call.
Now, women still have that same impatience…but it’s around texting. You give him your number and wait impatiently, but chances are, he won’t call but will text instead.
By the way, this isn’t a great habit: research has shown that couples who text a lot (rather than call) are generally less satisfied with their relationships. So even if you start out texting, try to get him to move to the occasional phone call to balance things out. You just might have a happier relationship if you do!
Given that you’re a self-sufficient kinda gal, you might think to yourself, “To hell with waiting for him to text. I’ll just text first. What’s the big deal?”
In fact, initiating the first text can work, as we learned at the start of this article. But that’s not to say it always is the best course of action. Let’s dive into a few different scenarios and break down the answer to, “should I text him first?”
1. You Gave Him Your Number at a Party
You meet a gorgeous, gregarious man at a cocktail party. Before you know it, he has you in stitches. Funny guy! You spend the entire evening talking about everything under the sun.
When it’s time to go, you exchange numbers.
Should you text him first?
My advice — it may come off as a little old-fashioned — is no, you should not text him first in this situation. Let him text you first.
I know what you’re thinking: “What the heck, Adam? What if he never texts me?”
My response is: if he doesn’t text you, then there was no real interest in the first place. Look, he has your number. If he wants to text you, he absolutely will. Clearly, if he doesn’t text, there wasn’t enough spark for him.
Move on with your life. Don’t invest too much emotionally into this scenario. Stop telling yourself that he lost your number (eh, what? Did it fall out of his phone?) or that he’s been too busy to text. Let it go.
By letting him be the one to initiate the first text, you’re allowing him to invest more emotionally in getting your attention. Sure, you are stressed about waiting for him to send that first text, but guess what? He’s going to have that same apprehension when he does text because he’ll be biting his nails waiting for you to respond (and yeah, it’s completely okay to let him sweat a little).
When you first meet a man, you want him to pursue you and to wonder how you feel about him. Being too eager and texting him first may take the thrill of the chase away from him. So let him have that opportunity to pursue you…and don’t be instantly available.
Erika Ettin, the founder of dating website A Little Nudge, says that there is more perceived value when you make a man wait with your response:
“The less someone responds or reciprocates to one’s advances, the more perceived value the pursuer thinks this person has. So we try harder since this person must really be ‘worth it’ if he or she is in such high demand — in other words, this person is a scarce resource.”
And here’s a little trick that will take the question out of this particular scenario. Ask for his number and then send him a text on the spot. Technically you sent the first text, but the ball is in his court, so he’s got no excuse not to text you!
2. You Sat with Him and a Group of Other Colleagues at Work
You work together, but you’re not in the same department, so you’re not worried that there’s a conflict of interest. You’re definitely interested, and you’re pretty certain he feels the same.
Should you, say, add him as a friend on Facebook?
I say yes. Why not?
But here’s the caveat: know what the policy at work is about dating co-workers. If you’re not sure, check your employee handbook or ask your HR manager. If there are rules against it, please don’t open this can of worms. It will only cause a headache down the road.
Hey: 14% of people say an office romance helped them enjoy a job they hated, so what have you got to lose?
However, if it’s totally cool to date other people in your workplace, friending him on Facebook is a great way to show a different side of yourself to someone who only knows your work personality. He might be pleasantly surprised, once he scrolls through your Facebook profile, to find that you’re really into salsa dancing (so is he!). That could lead to a great conversation about it and even a date!
And because Facebook has Messenger built in, once you’re connected as friends, you can message one another outside of the confines of your work email addresses. Taking your communication out of the workplace opens the door to him having the opportunity to message you and ask you out.
3. He Took You Out on a Date
So you’ve been in communication with this guy one way or another, and you just went on your first date. It went stupendously.
Should you text him first after the date?
Here I say absolutely yes. If he took you on a date, going to the trouble to plan the date and even paying for it, it is absolutely appropriate for you to text him and thank him for an amazing night out.
Not texting him that evening or even the next day could send the message that you’re not really interested, and you certainly don’t want to give him that impression! So send him a short text thanking him for the date. Close with “I look forward to seeing you again” so that he starts anticipating the next date.
I guarantee he’ll appreciate it. Men are like dogs (sorry guys!). When you reward him (thanking him for the date and saying how much fun you had), he will want to do the same thing to get more reward from you. So the minute he reads your text, he’ll be brainstorming future date ideas!
4. You Had Sex for the First Time the Night Before
Whether it was your first date or your 15th, you finally got intimate with this guy. It was pretty great, but you’re torn: if you text first, will you come off as needy? And what if he only wanted things to be casual and doesn’t text back? On the other hand, waiting might communicate to him that you didn’t enjoy yourself, and you don’t want him to think that.
“Arg. Enough already, Adam. Should I text him first or not?”
If the sex was indeed amazing and you want to see him again, yes, absolutely send that first text. If you’re already thinking about the next time you can hop in the sack with him, send a sexy text that will get him excited.
Let me just say: there is no hard and fast rule, no set-in-stone answer to the question, “should I text him first?”
What I’ve given here is my own personal opinion. You can take it or leave it. I have, however, helped thousands of women find true love, so I might know a thing or two about what I’m talking about!
What it comes down to in the early stages of dating and texting, especially if this whole thing is new to you after a divorce, is going at his pace. He may move at a snail’s pace while you’re more of a cheetah. It may get frustrating. But if you pay attention to how long he takes to respond to texts or just his personality in general, you’ll be able to figure out his tempo and match it.
Don’t pursue him. Let him pursue you.
Now I want to hear from you! Do you agree with the suggestions I gave in any of these scenarios? Don’t be afraid to play devil’s advocate! Let’s start a dialogue about whether you should text him first in the comments below.
And if you need more resources to help you with your text game, download Love Texting and spark a little interest from this guy!
Eight Fruits That Can Boost Your ‘Sex Drive’
This article is very helpful for those who are willing to increase their sexual drive in a relationship.
Most people always find ways to improve their sexual experience hence scientists have linked a variety of foods that can boost sex drive.
Keeping the circulatory system in good working order is essential for healthy sex life. Better circulation can lead to an improved sexual response in men and women.
Foods that can help people improve their sex drive are commonly called ‘aphrodisiacs’, named after Aphrodite, the ancient Greek goddess of love.
Certain foods help in increasing the blood flow throughout the body. Your diet arguably has the biggest effect on how the body will function; here are foods that can boost your sex drive;
Strawberries and raspberries
The seeds of these fruits are loaded with zinc which is essential for sex for both — men and women. It is believed that women with high level of zinc in their bodies find it easier to prepare for sex.
In men, zinc controls the testosterone level which is responsible for producing the sperm. It is important that men load up on zinc as their zinc levels reduces during intercourse.
Did you know that the word “avocado” came from the Aztec word for “testicle”? Folic acid and vitamin B6 are both necessary for a healthy sex drive as contained in avocados.
Folic acid pumps the body with energy, while vitamin B6 stabilises the hormones.
Watermelon improves one’s erection and increases the sex drive.
They also contain ‘citrulline’ which releases amino acids and arginine in the body. Arginine is responsible for vascular health.
The truth is this juicy tropical fruit does so much more than replenishing your body with fluids.
Almonds contain arginine which improves circulation and relaxes blood vessels.
This amino acid found in almonds helps you maintain an erection.
Walnuts are rich in omega-3 fatty acids, healthy fats that boost dopamine.
It also contains arginine, an amino acid that increases the production of nitric oxide, which relaxes blood vessels and increases circulation.
Oysters have been associated with increased sex drive since the time of ancient Rome. With so much history behind it, the whole oyster-libido linkage probably has some truth to it.
Oysters are high in zinc, which is essential for proper functioning of the male reproductive system
Apart from the obvious shape of the fruit, it’s the potassium in bananas that can help improve your sex drive.
Since potassium helps increase muscle strength and contraction, achieving orgasms can become much easier.
Additionally, bromelain helps produce testosterone. Add a frozen banana to your post-workout smoothie or add banana slices to overnight oats for some natural sweetness.
Medically, this may not have been proven but traditionally, tiger nuts has been used as an alternative medicine for the treatment of erectile dysfunction and related problems.
Its rich content of the Vitamin E also helps in men fertility issues as it aids in the free and active movement of the sperm which will easily swim to fertilize the egg leading to easy conception.
It also contains other vital minerals which will help boost sperm count and also improves its thickness. It also improves sex drives in both men and women.
Culled from TheNation
Six Ways To Make Your Long-Distance Relationship Work Better
For all those in a long-distance relationship, this article will be a most useful tool to help your relationship blossom.
Some people believe that being faithful is difficult especially when two lovers are so far apart. They feel maintaining communication might become increasingly difficult and as the relationship lasts longer, insecurities might arise because one person is not around to see what the other is doing.
But the truth is long distance relationships can work. Although dating is hard and takes a lot of commitment from both parties, there are ways you can keep your long distance relation going.
Below you will find tips on how to strengthen your bond with your partner:
1. Avoid too much communication
Generally, the standards as to what is considered too much communication varies from couple to couple. There are two extremities: the couple that communicates too much and the couple who doesn’t communicate enough. You don’t need to compensate for the distance by strangling each other with possessiveness.
There are couples who can last without speaking for three days and remain married for thirty years and there are some who speak every hour and break up after two months. Sometimes when you are calling for too long, there are some jealous questions your partner might want to ask, maybe because your partner hears the voice of a guy around you or that of a female as the case may be, essentially.
The best thing to do is to just go with the flow and do what is normal for your relationship, avoiding too much communication. Some people even spend the whole time quarreling with their partners on phone about past events than discussing relevant and present issues. Remember too much of everything is bad.
2. Keep your outing with friends on a low
Some partners are the jealous and overprotective types. They won’t want to hear that you’re hanging out with a friend, be it male or female. Some male partners get jealous when you hang out with your female friend or a with male friend except if the female friend is someone they have met before. They might have the feeling that the female friend is teaching you some bad things like cheating, partying, clubbing etc.
Your partner might even get angrier when he gets to know that you are handing out with a male friend. You know your partner more than I do, you know what can upset him, so be wise it is not every place you visit you’ll tell him or her to avoid, jealousy and anger.
3. Do things together.
Doing things together can mean a variety of things. In this technologically- driven society, you may want to consider playing online video games together when you are less busy. You can as well see a movie of YouTube together, then analyse the movie. Also you can read the same e-books, Skype, video call over the distance. Even though you’re living apart from each other, that doesn’t mean you can’t share bonding experiences.
4. Send love messages and gifts on special days.
You should see sending of messages and buying of gifts as very important. It might not be every time but only depends on how buoyant you are and you shouldn’t complain of not having money because you can save up for this. There are some very special days you shouldn’t forget to send a special message and gift to your partner. These days, you can just order from an e-commerce site, and your order will get delivered to your partner.
Nothing is too little. You only need to know those important days in the life of your partners so as to send them good wishes and gifts. However, it’s not only on special days you can send gifts, you can do so even when your partner least expect.
5. Visit each other
Your relationship must be a two- way street. Obviously, you can’t go without seeing each other for the rest of your lives. So visits will be necessary. Besides, you guys will have all that much more fun once you see each other again. Scheduling time to visit your spouse is very important if your relationship must work well. Even in your very busy schedule, you must map out time to visit each other. Visiting each other should also not be one- sided. Visits are not only for the ladies, guys should also find time to pay their partners a visit.
6. Be honest
It can be easy to lie in a long distant relationship because you feel after all. He or she isn’t there to prove you wrong. But no good relationship can be built on lies. Therefore, the best thing you can do for your relationship is to be honest with one another. It is better not to talk at all than to tell lies, because lies will not always save you.
7 Things You’ll Learn When You’re In A Bad Relationship
1. What red flags look like.If you are not familiar with the term “red flags,” let me explain. Red flags are signals that there is something bad ahead. Sometimes they are clear and sometimes they are not. Oftentimes we ignore them. And when we do, disasters happen. What might a red flag look like? Some are subtle. Perhaps he talks about his ex a lot, or he has a bad relationship with his mother. Perhaps he hasn’t been able to hold down a job. Perhaps he refuses to talk about anything difficult. Some are more obvious. Perhaps he states that he doesn’t want a serious relationship. Perhaps he tells you that that male friend of yours has to go. The thing about red flags is that often we see them and ignore them or justify them away. Hopefully bad relationships will help you to recognize that those red flags can be accurate and that, if you had only paid attention to them in the beginning, you could have spared yourself a whole lot of pain.
2. What not to do.One lesson you can learn from bad relationships is what NOT to do next time. Many of us have behaviors that we repeat in every relationship, and many of us are in serial bad relationships because of it. Many people tend to personalize things that happen in a relationship. If our significant other comes home late, it’s because they don’t love us. If they don’t put away their dirty laundry, they don’t respect us. If they forget our birthday, it’s because we just aren’t important to them. And while in some cases these things might be true, more often than not things that people do have nothing to do with the other person — they have to do with misjudgment and neglect. So, don’t take things personally — it’s not all about you. Another thing that people tend to do in bad relationships is being passive aggressive and antagonizing. Instead of confronting an issue head on, many of us make snide comments on the side, hoping our person will hear our dissatisfaction and act on it. Furthermore, we continue to harp on an issue to the point that our partner no longer cares about what our concerns are. These are just two behaviors that derail many relationships. There are others. Take a good hard look at what your role is in this relationship — bad relationships rarely happen because of one person’s behavior. Figure out what yours are and make note.
3. That enabling is not supporting.Have you ever been in a relationship that was struggling and you tried to save it by being supportive? Many of us believe that if we can just support our person, the relationship will hold. If we are patient while our partners work late hours or hold their hands when they feel insecure AGAIN about something that happened at the gym or look the other way when they have that third vodka after dinner, we believe that they will notice us and stay in love with us. That maybe their troubling behaviors will change. Unfortunately, this “supporting” is really more “enabling,” and enabling is not good in any relationship. If you continue to look the other way when your partner gets drunk or ignores you because of work or yells at you because of their own insecurities, you are telling your partner that their behaviors are okay. And if your partners think their behaviors are okay, they will never change. If your partner has behaviors that make you unhappy, stop supporting them. Either speak up about them or walk.
4. What traits you do want in a partner.One of the clearest lessons to learn in bad relationships is what it really is that you want in a partner. Even as we hold on to bad partners, we do start to see very clearly their shortcomings and we can therefore get a sense of what we ideally would want if we were in charge of the world. I had a guy who I loved but who was desperately insecure, who wanted to please everyone, who had a quick temper, who lived with a ton of fear and who was in and out of jobs. I loved him but I was suffering. When I finally broke free of that relationship I set out looking for a guy who knew who he was, who was patient and kind and steady. I was very clear about that and did ultimately find what I was seeking. So, what do you want in a partner? Make a list. Write it down. Refer to it often.
5. That letting go is not giving up.I can’t tell you how many of my clients who are struggling with letting go of love in bad relationships tell me that they aren’t walking away because they don’t want to give up. That they aren’t quitters. And I always tell them the same thing – that there are two people in a relationship and that as long as you are the only one making the effort, or that the efforts you both are making aren’t working, then it’s not a matter of giving up. You can only control your own efforts – only you can finish that marathon – but you can’t control someone else. It’s not giving up if your partner isn’t giving their all as well. So, if you are struggling with “giving up,” don’t! Know that you can let go of a love that isn’t serving you and move on with your head held high, knowing that you did your best.
6. How strong you are.For those of us who have survived bad relationships (which, pretty much, we all do in the end), we know how strong we are. By having the fortitude to let go of a love that wasn’t serving you, you are reclaiming your own power, a power that you might have lost in the struggle that was your bad relationship. Talk to someone who has escaped from a bad situation and you will see someone who might be sad, perhaps really sad, but someone who feels powerful having been able to do it. Letting go of bad relationships is incredibly difficult — do it and you will feel stronger than you ever have before.
7. That being alone is better than being unhappy.One thing that can become very clear when you are in a bad relationship is how much better it might be to be alone than to be with someone who makes you miserable. There is nothing worse than the day in, day out suffering of being in a bad relationship. You wake up to it; it lives with you throughout the day and is there when you go to bed at night. Sure, when you are alone, you might spend time on your couch binge watching Game of Thrones, but your time is your own. You can do what you want. And while you might feel miserable that you are alone, I can promise you that it’s not as miserable as you might feel if you spend your days struggling with bad relationships.
Learning lessons from bad relationships is a key part of finding love and happiness.The goal is to not repeat history — not at work, not with parenting, not with behaviors and not with relationships. The goal is to learn from our mistakes and move forward to find success in the future. So take a good look at bad relationships that you have had in your life and take inventory of what lessons you have learned so that you can do things differently in the future. You can do it! True love is out there waiting for you!I believe that if a woman is living the life of her dreams it will affect everyone in her life. Her relationships … Read more articles from Mitzi on Thought Catalog.
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